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Nw Big Brother


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#1 Imac

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Posted 16 June 2006 - 05:11 PM

Your Own Big Brother!

Day 1 - Etile admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of BTR. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Alura is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Tacobell later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Rat creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Zelda Princess hits him with a spork.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of The Kremlin out of Pringles Dip. After much persuasion by Rat, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for The Kremlin task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Tacobell, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the Pringles Dip. Zelda Princess is furious.

5 - Today is the day when the The Kremlin task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Tacobell farts and blows The Kremlin over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. BTR cries.

6 - Rat gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, BTR admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a spork. Etile says he never wears condoms because they make his Nipple sore and Rat agrees. Alura goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. Tacobell sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Rat.

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Etile goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Zelda Princess and BTR are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Etile.

9 - Zelda Princess and BTR are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Alura sings them a song - My Ding-a-ling - to make them feel better.

10 - The public vote BTR out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. BTR leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with BTR's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Alura has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Zelda Princess is visibly depressed and is comforted by Rat, who tries to touch her on her breast.

12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Rat touching Zelda Princess's breast over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Tacobell refuses to run because his Nipple hurts a bit.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Tacobell finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Zelda Princess calls Tacobell a lazy Nipple.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Etile tells everyone individually that he thinks Zelda Princess is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Zelda Princess and Rat are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Etile.

16 - The nominations are announced. Zelda Princess can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Rat is equally stunned and turns to Zelda Princess for comfort. Tacobell is distraught and confesses to Alura that he thinks he is in love with Rat. Alura says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know

17 - The public vote Rat out of the house. Zelda Princess says she is gutted and even gives Rat a clipping of hair from her breast to prove how much she cares. Tacobell is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Rat leaves.

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Zelda Princess clipping the hair from her breast. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Wales in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Wales sounds like but Tacobell says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Etile as the one who must complete the task.

21 - Etile successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Wales but also God Save The Queen, My Ding-a-ling and the theme tune to Doctor Who. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and Etile tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Tacobell and Alura are nominated.

23 - Tacobell and Alura take their nominations well and sit down with Etile and Zelda Princess to discuss why they voted for them. Etile keeps quiet but Zelda Princess accuses Tacobell of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred Nipple before bursting into tears.

24 - The public vote Alura out of the house and nobody really gives a $%^&*. Alura leaves.

25 - Etile becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Etile's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Hippo dung using only a spork. Etile is unsure but Tacobell is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, Tacobell breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Hippo incident from his childhood. Zelda Princess tries to persuade him to stay but Etile sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Tacobell decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Hippo dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Zelda Princess from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Etile asks Zelda Princess to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Etile nominates Zelda Princess to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Zelda Princess.

30 - When the nomination is announced, Zelda Princess graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Etile is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Etile takes his 70,000 and runs away to Wales. Nobody, including Zelda Princess, ever sees him again.

#2 masterblacktop

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Posted 16 June 2006 - 05:25 PM

shag him blink.gif .. shag later yes.gif will i wanted tacobell to win lol tongue.gif Hmmm my hunger

#3 Guest_tzobell_*

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Posted 16 June 2006 - 10:12 PM

*drops his jaw*

how come i wasnt it this? tacobell is, why not me?
This is priceless, concider it pinned in the jokes forum.

#4 fahmid101

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Posted 16 June 2006 - 10:20 PM

wow, this just owns..

#5 Guest_metroid_dragon_*

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Posted 16 June 2006 - 10:28 PM

sad.gif

Alura was included and not me... *sniff*

Is she still around anymore? I had forgotten about her until now. Still, that was fantastic *applauds*

#6 Tundra142

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Posted 16 June 2006 - 11:50 PM

QUOTE(metroid_dragon @ Jun 16 2006, 04:28 PM) View Post

sad.gif

Alura was included and not me... *sniff*

Is she still around anymore? I had forgotten about her until now. Still, that was fantastic *applauds*



#7 Guest_etile_*

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Posted 17 June 2006 - 01:14 AM

Oh my.. that was hilarious. Granted, some parts left me a little unsettled.

#8 BreakTheReflection

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Posted 17 June 2006 - 02:02 AM

Why was I in this? and why did I keep bursting into tears? and what's up with my confession? and why did Armando think I looked like a lesbian?

This has created more questions than answers.

#9 Rick Hard

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Posted 17 June 2006 - 02:53 AM

QUOTE(Imac @ earlier today)
Zelda Princess calls Tacobell a lazy Nipple.


hahahahaha. best slag ever!!

That was one of the awesomest posts i have ever read. you win a shiny new penny. and a beer. beer.gif

#10 trigunkilla

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Posted 17 June 2006 - 05:07 AM

... so i werent good enough hu? well yu know what? i would have wanked off the first day.

#11 Imac

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Posted 17 June 2006 - 09:41 AM

Tzo, as from abut last week you became a Taco in my eyes from rache's mistake, sorry but i found the whole thig so funny

Alura was included because i thought she was active, there are very little female members here

#12 Guest_etile_*

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Posted 17 June 2006 - 11:32 AM

QUOTE(BreakTheReflection @ Jun 16 2006, 05:02 PM) View Post

Why was I in this? and why did I keep bursting into tears? and what's up with my confession? and why did Armando think I looked like a lesbian?

This has created more questions than answers.


Well... Katie.. I never told you this, but...

*end scene*

#13 Guest_tzobell_*

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Posted 17 June 2006 - 09:38 PM

i was lauphing so hard at the end when i break down because of a hippo acident from when i was yonger.

the whole me being in love with rat was disturbing.

#14 Mike!

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Posted 17 June 2006 - 11:12 PM

Yeah I have seen that kind of thing before. Good though
Didnt put your good pal Mike in it though tongue.gif

#15 rat racer550

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Posted 21 June 2006 - 07:48 PM

LOL! Wow... that's classic.




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