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Male Rules


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#1 Lord

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Posted 18 December 2002 - 10:23 AM

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

* Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
* Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
* Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
* Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
* Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair and by then your stuck with her.
* Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
* Crying is blackmail.
* Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
* We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
* Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
* Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
* Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
* A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
* Check your oil. Please!
* Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
* If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
* If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
* Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
* You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
* Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
* Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
* The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
* ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.
* If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
* We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
* If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
* If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
* When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
* Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the offside rule, or motor bikes.
* You have enough clothes.
* You have too many shoes.
* No you really do have too many shoes.
* It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
* BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
* I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
*Thank you for reading this.
*Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight but did you know we really don't mind, that it's like camping.....

#2 Lord

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Posted 21 May 2003 - 09:03 AM

When we are toking about old post jokes here this one I like it w00t.gif

#3 Aaron1339

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Posted 21 May 2003 - 09:07 AM

laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif

This one needs to be read along with this joke.

They are both hillarious.

#4 Lord

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Posted 21 May 2003 - 09:10 AM

When they read this rules they start to use there keywords w00t.gif

#5 Aaron1339

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Posted 21 May 2003 - 09:14 AM

QUOTE(Lord @ May 21 2003, 06:10 AM)
When they read this rules they start to use there keywords w00t.gif

laugh.gif laugh.gif Hahahaha! laugh.gif laugh.gif

Yeah, we try to explain the "Male Rules" to them and we end up having a "5 minute" discussion about "nothing" that ends with them feeling "fine".
(see link to Female Keywords)

#6 Lord

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Posted 21 May 2003 - 09:17 AM

QUOTE(Aaron1339 @ May 21 2003, 09:14 AM)
QUOTE(Lord @ May 21 2003, 06:10 AM)
When they read this rules they start to use there keywords w00t.gif

laugh.gif laugh.gif Hahahaha! laugh.gif laugh.gif

Yeah, we try to explain the "Male Rules" to them and we end up having a "5 minute" discussion about "nothing" that ends with them feeling "fine".
(see link to Female Keywords)

it's pitty that ladys do not replay to this topic w00t.gif I wanna see they view about this topic and Female Keywords)

hehe that will be nice w00t.gif

#7 Aaron1339

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Posted 21 May 2003 - 09:22 AM

Oh, I can only imagine.... wink_smile.gif

And if I'm right, we might have to hide out here for a little while until it blows over... cool.gif



But I would like to see what the ladies have to say... (Do you think we'll have enough time to read the posts before we go into hiding?)

#8 udky

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Posted 21 May 2003 - 10:18 AM

Iím telling you that there is only one real rule for each:
Woman: always listen to your man. w00t.gif
Man: If you are in good mood, you may take in consideration the woman natural intuition! blink.gif

But you know what, I donít know why in my house I always listen to the woman! Please, any help to understand why? ph34r.gif huh.gif
w00t.gif beer.gif

#9 Aaron1339

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Posted 21 May 2003 - 04:19 PM

QUOTE(udky @ May 21 2003, 07:18 AM)
But you know what, I donít know why in my house I always listen to the woman!  Please, any help to understand why?  ph34r.gif  huh.gif

Hey, I openly admit that I just do whatever my wife says. It faster and easier than arguing with her since one of two things will happen when we argue:

1: I end up giving in and she gets what she wants.
(Great, I just wasted an hour for nothing! angry_smile.gif )

2: I get what I want and she gets angry. She starts withholding sex.
(Great, I got what I wanted and now I'm never going to get what I want from her ever again! angry_smile.gif )


Plus, when I just agree with whatever she wants right off the bat, she's usually very happy about it. And when my wife is happy, I'll usually end up being happier within a few hours.... wink_smile.gif

Hey, as long as I get to enjoy the occasional beer.gif

#10 udky

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Posted 21 May 2003 - 07:23 PM

QUOTE(Aaron1339 @ May 21 2003, 05:19 PM)
QUOTE(udky @ May 21 2003, 07:18 AM)
But you know what, I donít know why in my house I always listen to the woman!† Please, any help to understand why?† ph34r.gifhuh.gif

Hey, I openly admit that I just do whatever my wife says. It faster and easier than arguing with her since one of two things will happen when we argue:

1: I end up giving in and she gets what she wants.
(Great, I just wasted an hour for nothing! angry_smile.gif )

2: I get what I want and she gets angry. She starts withholding sex.
(Great, I got what I wanted and now I'm never going to get what I want from her ever again! angry_smile.gif )


Plus, when I just agree with whatever she wants right off the bat, she's usually very happy about it. And when my wife is happy, I'll usually end up being happier within a few hours.... wink_smile.gif

Hey, as long as I get to enjoy the occasional beer.gif

Master,

How nice you put the words together. I would never be able to say as nice and straight to the point as you do! w00t.gif

I drink for this!
beer.gif beer.gif beer.gif
w00t.gif w00t.gif w00t.gif

#11 wonder woman

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Posted 23 May 2003 - 03:18 AM

ha ha this is funny well here is the "lady's" input. I Agree unlike many other women out there i agree. I mean we've been coplaining for thousands of years on how we should be treated equal and crap and blah blah. BUt you guys never complain, just nod your head and drink some beer.gif, buy us our shoes and go to the store and go through the umiliation of buying pads and tampos for us. for those girls ou there that never say this THANK YOU. my daddy had to do that once, was not very happy. But don't get me wrong i am a feminist, but not that much. Just you know a girl if she wants to be treated the same she has to respect the guy. Hopefuly some of you don't rub this in my face.

beer.gif unsure.gif

#12 Aaron1339

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Posted 23 May 2003 - 07:15 AM

Y'know, I think many of the gender rules have changed or disappeared since the days of our youth (or before them, depending on how young you are).
Gone are the days of women demanding sufferage and labor opportunities. To be sure, there is still descrimination, but it nowhere near the scale it used to be.

Women have begun to take control of the way many things are done in this new age. And I, for one, am just fine with that. After all, what have we men really accomplished?
Just look at some of the decisions we have made...

But I do think women have had a bit more control back then than they will admit. After all, women do control the one thing men want.
It doesn't take a business major to understand the equitable position that put women in. And they are still in that position... wink_smile.gif

#13 Slain_Of_Tomb

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Posted 23 May 2003 - 07:12 PM

Good job on putting the empasis on 'the one thing'... It's so freakin' true though!

#14 Aaron1339

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Posted 23 May 2003 - 11:32 PM

Well, there is always the chance that a woman will have something else that a man wants, but that "one thing" trumps any other card in the deck.
Why bother bargaining with anything else?

#15 Guest_tzobell_*

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Posted 06 June 2003 - 01:51 AM

one thing i dont understamd about women is if a guy goes out and buyes season tickets to the local NFL football team or some other thing that guyes like (cars, boats, basketbal baseball ticets, ect.) the wife expects her husban to buy her something of the same value. But when the wife gets her husban to buy something she wants thats real expensive the guy dosent get to go buy something of the same value, and if he dose then the wife wants some other expensive thing. I mean its thw husbans money shouldnt he beable to do what he wants with it?




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