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Female keywords to look out for


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#1 Lord

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Posted 26 September 2002 - 10:20 AM

Female keywords, and their meanings
1. "Fine"
This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine" to describe how she looks.
This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)


2. "Five minutes"
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.

3. "Nothing"
"Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)
This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine".

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)
> > >This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. "Loud Sigh"
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement. Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"!

7. "Soft Sigh"
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.

8. "Oh"
This word -- followed by any statement -- is trouble. Example: "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. ("Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised eyebrows "Go ahead", sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

9. "That's Okay"
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.

10. "Please Do"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

11. "Thanks"
The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."

12. "Thanks A Lot"
"Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh". This signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".

I agree with this keywords laugh.gif

#2 Black Dragon

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Posted 10 May 2003 - 12:11 AM

Yep, every single line is true laugh.gif

#3 Aaron1339

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Posted 10 May 2003 - 12:31 AM

dry.gif I'd reply, but I'm afraid my wife would see whatever it was I said and...
get upset over "Nothing", have a quick "5 minute" discussion regarding my attitude, and end with "Fine".

#4 Slain_Of_Tomb

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Posted 10 May 2003 - 12:32 AM

This is sorta weird... Me and my border (a border is someone who rents a room in your house) deciced to make some 'lines' to look out for. We came out with what Lord posted... I emailed to my friends and now it's here on this forum... Pretty freaky!

#5 Lord

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Posted 10 May 2003 - 12:40 AM

QUOTE(Slain_Of_Tomb @ May 10 2003, 12:32 AM)
This is sorta weird... Me and my border (a border is someone who rents a room in your house) deciced to make some 'lines' to look out for. We came out with what Lord posted... I emailed to my friends and now it's here on this forum... Pretty freaky!

hehe this is Posted: Sep 26 2002, 09:20 AM w00t.gif to late w00t.gif

#6 Aaron1339

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Posted 10 May 2003 - 12:58 AM

QUOTE(Lord @ May 9 2003, 09:40 PM)
QUOTE(Slain_Of_Tomb @ May 10 2003, 12:32 AM)
This is sorta weird... Me and my border (a border is someone who rents a room in your house) deciced to make some 'lines' to look out for. We came out with what Lord posted... I emailed to my friends and now it's here on this forum... Pretty freaky!

hehe this is Posted: Sep 26 2002, 09:20 AM w00t.gif to late w00t.gif

Considering the subject (IE: women), it's no suprise that more than one person would come up with the same list.

These are so true to life (and so friggin' funny!), I'm suprised that I've never seen it before...

#7 Lord

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Posted 10 May 2003 - 01:04 AM

Like I post then

QUOTE
I agree with this keywords laugh.gif
laugh.gif

#8 Aaron1339

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Posted 21 May 2003 - 09:09 AM

If you read this joke, then you also have to read this one.

#9 udky

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Posted 21 May 2003 - 10:20 AM

w00t.gif I have my reply. I will not repeate this!

Here it is!
w00t.gif

#10 Aaron1339

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Posted 21 May 2003 - 04:21 PM

QUOTE(udky @ May 21 2003, 07:20 AM)
w00t.gif I have my reply. I will not repeate this!

Here it is!
w00t.gif

Hey, there's no shame in what you had to say.

Keeping your lady happy generally leads to keeping yourself happy if you catch my meaning... wink_smile.gif

#11 udky

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Posted 21 May 2003 - 07:19 PM

QUOTE(Aaron1339 @ May 21 2003, 05:21 PM)
QUOTE(udky @ May 21 2003, 07:20 AM)
w00t.gif I have my reply. I will not repeate this!

Here it is!
w00t.gif

Hey, there's no shame in what you had to say.

Keeping your lady happy generally leads to keeping yourself happy if you catch my meaning... wink_smile.gif

I catch it but I will catch better with a b.

Im coming honey! No, nothing, I was reading the newspaper, you know

Hey, see you soon, I got to go. Dont drink w/o me, k? w00t.gif

#12 Aaron1339

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Posted 22 May 2003 - 07:28 AM

laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif

I promise I'll wait. I can't speak for anyone else, but I'll wait until you post again before I order another round...

#13 Guest_etile_*

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Posted 22 May 2003 - 04:09 PM

Lord, I am left in awe of your wisdom. huh.gif

#14 Aaron1339

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Posted 23 May 2003 - 07:34 AM

QUOTE(etile @ May 22 2003, 01:09 PM)
Lord, I am left in awe of your wisdom.  huh.gif

What's so funny is that this has been right in front of us for centuries, but we never picked up on it until now...

Thank you for posting that, Lord. You may just have saved countless lives by getting that information out into the male public.
No longer will we men fall into their wicked traps of telling us to "go ahead" and watch the game at a friend's house!
No longer will we dumbly stand there when they begin a statement with the word "oh" instead of beating a hasty retreat!
No longer will we believe them when they say "that's okay"!

Now we know! Now we can...

we can...

...

hmmmm.....

I don't know if we can really do anything special other than avoiding getting our heads bitten off. In fact, I think this means we get to do less fun stuff.
But at least we get to live longer! beer.gif

#15 Slain_Of_Tomb

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Posted 23 May 2003 - 07:14 PM

(bows) (Start's chanting, ' We're not worthy! We're not worthy) Lol i love wayne's world!




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