Jump to content


Photo

Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris Jokes

  • Please log in to reply
No replies to this topic

#1 Lord

Lord

    NuneWorld Admin

  • Admin
  • 2,915 posts

Posted 24 September 2020 - 12:31 AM

  • Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  • Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
  • If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  • Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
  • In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
  • When God said, “Let there be light!” Chuck said, “Say Please.”
  • Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
  • If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
  • The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. You know what happened to them.
  • Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
  • Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
  • If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, ‘Two seconds till.’ After you ask, ‘Two seconds to what?’ he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  • Chuck Norris appeared in the ‘Street Fighter II’ video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Chuck Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
  • Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
  • Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  • There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
  • The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
  • Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his pee as a canned beverage. It’s now called Red Bull.
  • If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Chuck Norris.
  • On the 7th day, God rested … Chuck Norris took over.
  • Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
  • Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
  • Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
  • If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
  • Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
  • Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
  • Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
  • Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.
  • Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
  • Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
  • Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time.
  • Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  • Chuck Norris stands faster than anyone can run.
  • Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  • Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in three moves.
  • Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
  • Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
  • The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
  • Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
  • Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
  • Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
  • When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
  • Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
  • Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
  • Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
  • Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
  • Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
  • Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
  • When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters. Because not even glass is dumb enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
  • When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
  • The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
  • Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
  • The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
  • Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
  • Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
  • There has never been a hurricane named Chuck because it would have destroyed everything.
  • Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  • When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
  • Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
  • Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
  • In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
  • The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
  • Chuck Norris can get in a bucket and lift it up with himself in it.
  • Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… and they’re all lethal.
  • Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
  • Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
  • The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors.
  • Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
  • Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
  • When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
  • When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
  • It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
  • Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren’t before his first space expedition.
  • Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
  • Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
  • We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
  • Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
  • Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
  • Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
  • Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
  • Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t need to shave. His beard is scared to grow.
  • Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
  • In an average living room there are a thousand objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  • Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
  • Chuck Norris’s belly button is actually a power outlet.
  • Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris is the only man who can fight himself and win.
  • Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
  • Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
  • The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.





0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users