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Do You Have The Best Joke?


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#16 Boisterous Ben

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Posted 04 April 2005 - 10:11 PM

Knock,Knock
Who's there?
It's the pizza guy...
The pizza guy who?
Erm...just the pizza guy!
Oh..i was expecting a crap joke.

#17 ImCoolYoureNot

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Posted 05 April 2005 - 02:16 AM

Whats with all the like Quad posting and stuff?
Anyways my jokes are...
Go here...
http://tech.msn.com/...es/1064107.armx


Do they have burglar alarms at Christian bookstores?
Why do bullies always ask "what’s your problem" when they're obviously not going to solve it?
Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?
"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT beenfree?
Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?
If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?
Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?
If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?
Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn't be more fun to eat a big one?
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Just what was the "Baby On Board" sign for? Did it help us decide which car not to hit in case of an accident?
Why is it when we laugh in school the teachers say do you find something funny? When obviously we do?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people who don’t want to go to hell bury themselves 6 ft. closer?
When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?
If the weather man says "it's a 50% chance of rain" does that mean he has no idea if its going to rain or not?
If Sunday is the holy day of rest why do we have to get up early for church?
Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn’t they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?
If our planet is inhabited with creatures made by God...is it possible that there's another planet inhabited with creatures made by the Devil?
Why do people, such as S.W.A.T or Seals wear the bulletproof vests where you can see them? Wouldn’t people aim for their head or crotch?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway?
If money is the root of all evil then how come churches ask for it?
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
If anything's possible, then is it possible that nothing's possible?
Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing?
What does OK actually mean?
Why do British people never sound British when they sing?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
If somebody vanished without a trace, how do people know they are missing?
Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
Why does Bugs bunny walk around the cartoon naked, but puts a bathing suit on when he goes swimming?
How do you know which armrest is yours in the movie theaters?
Can blind people see their dreams?
Why do we leave expensive cars in the driveway, when we keep worthless junk in the garage?
If The Flintstones were B.C. and before America, why did they have Flintstones Thanksgiving and Flintstones Christmas?
How can something be new and improved? if it's new, what was it improving on?
Why do grocery stores buy so many checkout line registers if they only keep 3 or 4 open?
How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
When blind people go to the bathroom, how do they know when they are done wiping their butt?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

#18 Boisterous Ben

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Posted 05 April 2005 - 01:30 PM

MOST of those were funny, thanks for contributing! smile.gif

#19 masterblacktop

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Posted 08 April 2005 - 04:10 PM

your mommy so fat so steps out of earth and she at stars

#20 Boisterous Ben

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Posted 08 April 2005 - 04:50 PM

wow that was really bad...

#21 masterblacktop

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Posted 08 April 2005 - 06:55 PM

QUOTE(Boisterous Ben @ Apr 8 2005, 08:50 AM)
wow that was really bad...

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badddddddddddd

#22 Boisterous Ben

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Posted 08 April 2005 - 10:42 PM

yep"badddddddddddddd" as you put it yes.gif

#23 charlie

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Posted 09 April 2005 - 01:21 AM

no, it was BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD - serious dry.gif that s*cked

#24 masterblacktop

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Posted 11 April 2005 - 06:51 PM

QUOTE(Boisterous Ben @ Apr 4 2005, 02:07 PM)
Welcome to Megacomputer's 24-hour helpline.

If you have been waiting LESS than 24 hours, please remain on the line.

If you've been waiting MORE than 24 hours, touch "1" to order a life.

laugh.gif

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thats mine stealer POST POST POSTS thanks for makeing it funny but
not in a way that i would laugh 58.gif

#25 masterblacktop

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Posted 11 April 2005 - 06:55 PM

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.

She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

#26 Boisterous Ben

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Posted 11 April 2005 - 09:19 PM

smiled smile.gif but no laugh this time!

#27 masterblacktop

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Posted 12 April 2005 - 06:18 PM

QUOTE(Boisterous Ben @ Apr 11 2005, 02:19 PM)
smiled  smile.gif  but no laugh this time!

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but you steal it nooooooooooo

#28 masterblacktop

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Posted 13 April 2005 - 08:28 PM

Steve took his new wife camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore.

One day they got lost hiking in the deep woods. Steve tried the usual tactics to determine direction - moss on the trees (there was no moss), the direction of the sun (it was an overcast day).

Just as his wife was beginning to panic, Steve spotted a small cabin off in the distance. He pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, then turned and led his wife right back to our camp.

"That was terrific," she said, impressed. "How did you do it?"

"Simple," he replied. "In this part of the country all TV satellite dishes point south."

#29 masterblacktop

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Posted 13 April 2005 - 08:35 PM

President Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. "Who goes there?" inquired St. Peter.

"It's me, Bill Clinton".

"What bad things did you do on earth?"

Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. And I lied, but I didn't commit perjury."

After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK, here's the deal. We'll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won't call it 'Hell.' You'll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won't call it 'eternity.' And don't 'abandon all hope' upon entering, just don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."

#30 charlie

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Posted 13 April 2005 - 10:17 PM

hey ben check this one out it rocks

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.

She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

w00t.gif

that one rules

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