etile's Ridiculous Stories
Posted 16 March 2009 - 08:01 PM
I want to become a better writer. I'm working on two stories currently, but I don't write fast enough or well enough for my taste. This thread is a practice ground, where I just lets thoughts come to me in the form of short scenes. As such, these scenes will most likely be ridiculous, make no sense, and possibly extremely awesome. These scenes will have nothing to do with any longer story I'm trying to write, but will merely serve as an outlet to be weird and dramatic. You'll see soon enough what I mean.
Posted 16 March 2009 - 08:21 PM
This was not enough for some.
Dr Kennedy Norrington lived life by day as a mild-mannered astrophysicist/masseuse. Yet it wasn't day time right now. And he was wearing neither his lab coat or his purple oriental masseuse kimono. He was looking down a long, brightly lit hall, dressed in a rich velvet robe:he wore nothing underneath, of course. But don't worry, the robe was tightly closed. He looked down the hall at his target, while holding a Glock in each hand.
"My name is Dr. Kennedy Norrington," he intoned while his green eyes stared piercingly down the hall. "And tonight, you die. Father." He broke into a dead sprint as he ran down the hall, towards the dark-clothed figure at the end. The man wore a white and red kitsune mask, and he smelled of potatoes for some unexplainable reason. As soon as Dr. Norrington got within 50 feet of him, this strange man opened the doors to either side of him. The rectangles of darkness revealed by the newly opened doors growled menacingly, and then a flood of rabid koalas began streaming out of them, their hearts bent on murder.
Dr. Kennedy Norrington stared in a mix of sheer horror and optical astonishment as he saw his doom running towards him on a multitude of short, furry legs. "H-how.. is this POSSIBLE? I watched them die 7 years ago!" He mangaged to look past his doom, to the man who had unleashed hell onto the world. Dr. Kennedy Norrington knew that under that red and white kitsune mask, the man's thin lips where curved into a smile. And what made matters worse was, Dr. Kennedy Norrington couldn't help but smile as well. Chaos had come once more, he thought as he began shooting at the frothy-mouthed menaces. He would die tonight, that was a certainty. But he would take down as many rabid koalas down with him as possible.
Posted 19 March 2009 - 02:10 AM
Posted 24 April 2009 - 04:00 PM
You are creative and pretty funny when you write.
Try writing a horror story next, I'd like to see how you handle one of those.
Put a lot of gore and blood in it too, And I would like the lead to be a female.
Someone preferably blonde and good looking.
Posted 10 June 2009 - 08:47 AM
"Hey George, you hear that?"
George looked over at Henry, and shook his head before sticking it back into the Pontiac he was working on. "Naw, hear what Henry?"
Henry looked to the east, towards Easy St. He grimaced, and took off his baseball hat in order to scratch his short brown hair. His nostrils flared as he took in a breath, smelling the familiar odor of dirt and oil that pervaded the mechanic shop. There was a new, strange scent in the mix. And a quaint rumbling in the ground that he couldn't shake off. "Gawd.. I swear the ground's tremblin' or somethin'. And it smells like.. water."
A rough laugh came out from under the hood of the Pontiac. "God dammit Henry, water don't smell like nothing." George let out a chuckle and shook his head. "Get back to work."
Henry scratched at his head again, looking uneasy. "I know that, man. It just smells like there's water about." He frowned, then looked at his feet. There was a puddle about ten feet away from him, coming out from under some junk cars they had piled up near the fence. The fence to the east. The puddle was growing quickly. "Hey George, come have a look at this. I think there's a leak next door." The rumble grew louder.
"What are you talkin' about?" George came out under the hood, and walked over to Henry. He immediately saw the water. It was a foot away from his boots, now. "Huh, some pipe's prolly broke," he explained gruffly. George's face scrunched up in a peculiar way; he could hear the rumbling now as well. "What is..."
Suddenly a large wave of blue water overwhelmed the high eastern fence. It crashed down with a mighty splash, and swept away Henry and George, knocking them both against the flimsy sheet metal wall of the shop.
To be continued...
Posted 10 June 2009 - 10:39 PM
Dr. Kennedy Norrington lay slumped against the remains of a plaster wall, his chest heaving as he tried to regain his breath. Dozens of dead koalas were sprawled around him. An unfocused gaze surveyed the carnage. "I thought I was going to die. I was prepared."
"Dah night ease not oh-ver yet, Docktor Kenneth Norring-ton." The words uttered had a lilting Russian accent, and sounded almost soft. Quite unlike the person who had done the uttering. Dr Kennedy Norrington looked up at the speaker. At a height of 6' 5", Chelsea Stroganfdorm was a sight to behold. But with only one eye and one leg, Chelsea Stroganfdorm more than that. She was the only woman Dr. Kenneth Norrington had ever loved. And she had just saved him from a painful death, only to promise him his demise.
"One can only hope, Chelsea. I'm sure you're betting on it, at least." Dr Kenneth Norrington's smile was only half-joking. Chelsea Stroganfdorm was a notorious gambler. That, and she hated Dr Kenneth Norrington with a fury normally reserved for Category 4 hurricanes. Which brought Dr Kenneth Norrington to his next question. "Why are you here?"
"Not by choice, Docktor." Besides her, a beaten and bloodied koala stirred in a feeble attempt to rise. Chelsea Stroganfdorm unsheathed her titanium-forged katana and eased its tip into the koala's skull. Her AK47 was slung over her shoulder; she was not one to waste bullets.
After killing the recuperating beast, her single blue eye focused on Dr Kenneth Norrington. "My govern-ment sent me. You foolish American, did you naught see how dease koalas moved? Ore were you too busy trying to kill your fahther?"
Dr Kenneth Norrington stood up with great effort; he thought his rib may be fractured. With one hand against the wall, he stared at the fractured tile floor while trying to remember the battle they had battled only seconds ago. The koalas had been quick, too quick, yet Dr Kenneth Norrington had attributed that to enhanced genetics and bionic implants. His eyes had rarely strayed from the kitsune mask wearing image of his father, who had spent the duration of the battle cackling menacingly and throwing small gun-powder bombs into the battle. And exuding that mysterious potato scent, while diabolical koalas roared and attacked. Too fast... what did that mean? The truth hit him like a mallet to the groin.
"Oh god no. It can't be! Are you telling me that my father has created-"
Chelsea Strganfdorm finished the sentence gravely. "Yes. He has created tha ultimate weapon. Uncertainty Koalas."
Posted 18 June 2009 - 05:53 AM
I'm enjoying the wacky stories so far though!!!!
Posted 04 September 2009 - 02:29 AM
Harrison Ford on a custom Harley, blasting his way though a primitive, jungle-ridden landscape. The nearby volcano is erupting violently, though it's hard to make out what is lava amongst the horrifyingly fast meteor shards that are falling to earth in a terrible storm. He swerves amongst fallen trees, rides out into the plains, and ramps up the side of a half-cyborg T-rex in order to vault over a river holding a devious kraken. The kraken reaches out with it's venomous tentacles anyways, despite the lava and the meteors, hell-bent on murder. At the peak of his epic jump, Ford unleashes his two weapons: a battered space-harpoon and his trusty six-shooter. With a manly grunt he shoots the futuristic harpoon at the space-whale that has just entered the earth's atmosphere after swimming through the cold abyss of space by living inside the meteor shower. The space whale dodges the harpoon and unleashes a deadly roar, so powerful that it rips open space and time. Ford had one shot left in his trusty six shooter, and aims the bullet straight at God's heart, who can be seen through the tear in space and time. A hoarse moan can be heard, and Ford knows that millions of miles away, the black hole that God had opened in order to suck the solar system into non-existence has now been destroyed. With only the space whale left to confront, and now on the downward arc of his giant motorcycle jump, Ford pulls out a wooden harpoon from his bike and hurls it at the whale as it swoops down for him. The whale shrieks in pain as the spear hits its third eye, and throws itself into the tear in space, which quickly closes up as the whale passes through. Ford lands the jump, and goes full throttle, riding off into the evening sun, straight towards the volcano.
Posted 04 September 2009 - 03:33 AM
Posted 04 September 2009 - 09:10 AM
Posted 05 September 2009 - 06:41 AM
Run-on sentences = INTENSITY
But yeah, that paragraph is more of an.. experience, more so than a grammatically consistent work.
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