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my grandad has a shirt that says that. i love it.
what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? nothing. shes already been told twice.
Do You Have The Best Joke? Post your jokes here!
#286
trigunkilla 
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Posted 04 January 2008 - 08:17 AM
MultiQuote
#287
Eraserhead
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Posted 06 January 2008 - 06:37 AM
QUOTE(trigunkilla @ Jan 4 2008, 01:17 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
my grandad has a shirt that says that. i love it.
what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? nothing. shes already been told twice.
what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? nothing. shes already been told twice.
That was funny AND poignant!
QUOTE (etile @ Feb 6 2009, 03:38 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Everything Chazz says is both a lie and the complete truth. You can spend your entire life trying to understand how this could be so, but your head would explode exactly 97 seconds before you achieve your goal.
QUOTE (Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy)
"This must Thursday, I never could get the hang of Thursdays."
#288
trigunkilla
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Posted 10 February 2008 - 01:41 AM
thank you.
im pregnant with an elephant. and i think hes coming out.... wanna see his trunk?
im pregnant with an elephant. and i think hes coming out.... wanna see his trunk?
#289
alexisj
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Posted 02 June 2009 - 09:19 AM
LOL..
That was really one funny joke!
Luckily my mom's not that fat...
Here: I've got one too..
Hope you all guys gonna read mine..
Lawyer Joke
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
That was really one funny joke!
Luckily my mom's not that fat...
Here: I've got one too..
Hope you all guys gonna read mine..
Lawyer Joke
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
"My success was unexpected, yes, but not accidental."
from dress up games and hair games community, Los Angeles, CA
from dress up games and hair games community, Los Angeles, CA
#290
chrishorton
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Posted 24 June 2009 - 08:07 PM
A door-to-door salesman strolls up to a house to make a sale. A 7 year old girl smoking a cigarette and holding a bottle of wine answers the door. The salesman stunned asks" Are you parents around?" The little girl replies "What the !@#$ do you think?"
#291
ubuntuideas
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Posted 21 August 2009 - 12:02 PM
QUOTE (charlie @ Apr 13 2005, 10:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
hey ben check this one out it rocks
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
that one rules
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
that one rules
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, “A basketball coach?”
#293
Eraserhead
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Posted 28 January 2010 - 04:35 AM
iMax, on 26 January 2010 - 06:08 PM, said:
Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape
Three days later and I just got it!
QUOTE (etile @ Feb 6 2009, 03:38 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Everything Chazz says is both a lie and the complete truth. You can spend your entire life trying to understand how this could be so, but your head would explode exactly 97 seconds before you achieve your goal.
QUOTE (Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy)
"This must Thursday, I never could get the hang of Thursdays."
#294
Neiko
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Posted 28 January 2010 - 06:43 AM
iMax, on 26 January 2010 - 06:08 PM, said:
Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape
Hah. That's great.
Driving fast, Fixing car(s), Playing games, Watching sci-fi/fantasy movies, Eating food, Sleeping.
If you see me in my free time, I'm probably doing one of those.
#295
trigunkilla
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Posted 14 June 2010 - 06:13 AM
The soldier serving in Hong Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."
#296
woods
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Posted Yesterday, 05:48 AM
charlie, on 04 April 2005 - 10:11 PM, said:
bad luck ben.. but read this
<a href='http://www.spynets.com/forum/index. php?showtopic=8943' target='_blank'>http://www.spynets. com/forum/index.php?showtopic=8943</a>
OWNT <!--emo&
--><img src='http://www.spynets.com/forum/public/
style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif'
border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif' /><!--endemo--> sorry
<a href='http://www.spynets.com/forum/index. php?showtopic=8943' target='_blank'>http://www.spynets. com/forum/index.php?showtopic=8943</a>
OWNT <!--emo&
--><img src='http://www.spynets.com/forum/public/
style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif'
border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif' /><!--endemo--> sorrya very good joke