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Beer Quotes


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#1 Aaron1339

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Posted 18 October 2003 - 11:14 PM

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
- Frank Zappa

Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're demanding beer.
- Norm (In "Cheers")

He was a wise man who invented beer.
- Plato

If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomachs.
- David Daye

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
- Benjamin Franklin

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
- David Barry

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
- Kaiser Wilhelm

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
- Homer Simpson

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
- Jack Handey

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution!
- Homer Simpson

Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd in hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole , because the general speed and health of the group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same was, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
- Cliff (In "Cheers")

#2 blue

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Posted 19 October 2003 - 12:36 AM

Shouldn't this be in the jokes forum?

Btw, nice quotes 4.gif . XD

#3 Count Seamus

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Posted 19 October 2003 - 01:37 AM

nice qoutes and this should go in the jokes forum as blue said

#4 Guest_etile_*

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Posted 19 October 2003 - 04:58 AM

well, they are real quotes. whether you think them funny or not is somthing else.

btw, i posted the ben franklin one once, im happy that its out and about again. smile.gif

#5 Aaron1339

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Posted 20 October 2003 - 08:26 AM

Yeah, I know that at least one or two of them had already been used before, but I couldn't remember which ones...
So I went ahead and posted them all smile.gif

#6 Guest_etile_*

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Posted 21 October 2003 - 12:51 AM

well, if it weren't for you, those quotes would be forgotten by now.

btw, here are a few more quotes. sorry if a slip in a repeat or two. or three.

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
Jack Handy

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Frank Sinatra

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with the fools he must come in contact with every day.
Ernest Hemingway

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W.C. Fields

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
Brian O'Rourke

#7 (insert name here)

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Posted 16 November 2003 - 08:28 PM

ummmmmmm beer smile.gif gaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllll
beer2.gif beer2.gif beer2.gif beer2.gif beer2.gif beer2.gif beer2.gif beer2.gif beer.gif beer.gif beer.gif beer.gif beer.gif beer.gif
-homer simson

#8 Guest_tzobell_*

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Posted 16 November 2003 - 08:58 PM

QUOTE(Aaron1339 @ Oct 18 2003, 01:14 PM)
If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomachs.
- David Daye

i think this ones supose to be "he would have not given us stomaches" cause your stomach is not needed to digest beer; it just goes straight through your stomach into ur blood stream.

#9 dew

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Posted 17 November 2003 - 03:51 AM

and slowly gives you a false sence of warmth and then you die...after 20 beers...

#10 Guest_etile_*

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Posted 17 November 2003 - 07:02 AM

QUOTE(tzobell @ Nov 16 2003, 08:58 PM)
QUOTE(Aaron1339 @ Oct 18 2003, 01:14 PM)


If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomachs.
- David Daye

i think this ones supose to be "he would have not given us stomaches" cause your stomach is not needed to digest beer; it just goes straight through your stomach into ur blood stream.

i think at least SOME of it makes it into your stomach. i doubt you can drink 5 beers, and have them all disappear into your blood stream before making to into your tummy.


hee hee, i said tummy

#11 Lamborghini Fan

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Posted 22 November 2003 - 09:34 AM

Doesnt Stone Colds Shirt say F**k Fear Drink Beer

#12 Slain_Of_Tomb

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Posted 25 November 2003 - 03:10 AM

You forgot one...

Hunting is a hobby,
Beer is a tradition

From Dreamcatcher




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